Perfect Life

Yes I am smiling.
Can’t you see how happy I am?
I’m living the perfect life.
I got no reason to be sad.
No reason to cry, to scream, to hurt myself.
I’m living the perfect life.
Fuck my life.
I hate myself, my world, the way everyone is.
I hate my perfect life.
I’m alone.
I can scream if I want to, no-one will notice.
They think I’m living the perfect life.


*I set the shutter really low so I was able to move in the picture (it’s just one shot).


My perfect life

I like to say that I love my life. I really do. It’s been so freaking good so far and I’m amazed by the fact it’s even getting better!
Living a perfect life is normal for me and I thought it was normal for most people. I mean, if you don’t think your life is amazing, why wouldn’t you change it? I know it’s not as easy as it sounds, but I’m a ‘black-and-white thinker’ which means in my world your life can either be super good or just fucked up…

I posted a collage about my life last week. A good friend of my family told me it’s so good to see people talking positively about their lives, instead of complaining about all the bad things. I am a complainer. I like complaining. But I’m aware that I have so much luck. Being born in a first world country. Having travelled so much already at such a young age…

When I studied in Florida I learned that not everyone lives the perfect life. It made me cry. I had this amazing AP Literature class. It was amazing because of the ridiculously brilliant teacher: Michael Persaud. He taught us so much more than literature. I think I’m gonna write a post about this man some day. Anyway, one day he told us we were gonna play this game where you all stand on an invisible line. Mr. Persaud asked us questions like “Have you ever skipped dinner just because there was no food?” and “Does anyone in your family have a Bachelor degree or higher?” Depending on your answer to his question (yes or no) you had to step forward or backward. During this game I could hardly believe that my friends had gone through such terrible things. Parents in jail, no money for clothes… I cried so much because for 18 years I had just been to naïve to see that not everyone was living a perfect life and that I had to be more than satisfied with mine.

I have experienced what life can be because I travelled. Not because I have had any bad things in my life.
I know how hard life can be and I appreciate that I didn’t have to go through all kinds of rough things to learn this.

The worst thing that has happened to me was losing a friend. It was three days after I told one of my friends that I have such a good life. Tyler died young. I don’t think he thought his life was so perfect, but he participated in making my year in Florida unforgettable!

I’m not sure if I’ll grow old. But I sure as hell lived the fuck out of my perfect life 😉